This probably makes no sense
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This probably makes no sense Monday March 6
Well, here we are. I've discussed the idea of the "next step" before; after graduating from school, I didn't know what I would be doing at all in the future, and things just sort of fell into place to line up with what I wanted to do at that time.
That's a funny thing to say, "what I wanted to do". The truth of the matter is that working at Foellinger, despite being the best job I've held yet, was never on the menu for me. Coming to Japan has been on that menu since 2003, but I would have never imagined myself not doing the JET program. How could I even afford it? (Well, duh, Foellinger.)
I've been happy with what has led up until now. Yet, things certainly do become more decided and patterned as you get older, and I am often told that by my elders. This sort of freedom I have disappears, and will disappear soon enough.
My mother often says that you can't predict the future, but somehow, things always seem to work out. She'll often add the expression "the way they should" to the end of that, but I don't know if that really applies. Saying "the way they should" implies that there is some natural order somewhere, and that, whether or not you can see it, things will follow that path.
I find myself to be more a naturalist: in this world, on a macroscopic level, the same sorts of things seem to happen, simply, as a feature of the human nature we all share. That then dictates the path of what "should be". In short, we have a consciousness about what should be on the basis of what is, and what we have observed experimentally to produce favorable results. The human mind has an amazing ability to recognize patterns, and this is yet another result of that.
In believing things will work out, I am simply resigning myself to the natural order of human life. It is, if you will, one sort of self-fulfilling expectation, and eventually boils down more to perspective than some sort of algorithm. Things happen, both on their own and by my hand, and I adjust my perspective to accept them as part of my life. Hence, they become my life, and I find the good in them.
Yesterday, I went to a park and sat on a bench for awhile. Despite living in a metropolitan city, this park has treed hills surrounding it, and thus for a short while I was isolated from the cars, streets, houses, skyscrapers, and trains that clutter my view.
I thought, "how neat would it be to live in the 18th century for just a little while?" The worldview was so much more limited then, but people were still people. Was really that different? I can daydream as I like, but as Michael said a few months back, I also have to remember that I need to eat dinner. And pay the rent. That's the world I live in now, and thus there is a certain stark coldness to reality.
