slc punk
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slc punk Saturday October 23
i just finished slc punk for the first time. i had started it twice already: one time we turned it off because nate, todd, and i had a guy's night out, and the other time cara called me. while a movie about dudes with mohawks is cool, so are attractive girls. it's a tough life.
however, nathan quoted it tonight at dinner, and i really don't think there could have been a better time to watch it. you see, today i went to my first job fair ever. and if you follow that link, you'll notice that it's all in japanese. i am not trying to sound impressive -- no, i am trying to express simply how intimidated i was to even walk in that place to begin with.
certainly, i knew that if i were interviewed, it would be in english, but still. but still. approximately ninety-seven percent of the participants were either japanese, first-generation japanese-americans, or half-japanese. and there was a whole lot of "gozaimasu" floating about.
so i strolled about the convention center for awhile just looking. i had told myself that i was just going to look, but that's like saying that i'm going to go to the salvation army and not buy an indie rock t-shirt that fits me too tightly.
"dude, you spent six dollars on the cab to get out here. at least talk to someone," i told myself.
so i started where i felt comfortable: where i saw white people. white people would certainly speak english to me and not expect me to interview in japanese. where were the white people? in finance. american finance companies.
now mind you, two people i know in my life have worked or are working in these kinds of companies; they stories they tell make me curious to say the least. one of them would be rick, who said just this evening when i called him: "they work you to death in the first year; if you're not dead or quitting, then you can get on with your life." at least he makes no effort to cover it up.
so i spoke with jpmorgan, lehman brothers, and goldman sachs. honestly, i had less interest in lehman brothers, but i thought it would be funny just to do a screening interview there anyway. for mike's sake. i actually screwed that interview up badly, actually, when it came to that: i mentioned mike in brief and they asked me what kind of work he did. and i didn't know his title, or what department he worked in. certainly, i knew what kind of work he did. alas, it was a good start to get me out of the "i'm too afraid to go anywhere" mood.
i should back up: i was focusing on my IT skills. given my liberal arts degree, basically all of my interviewers asked me why i didn't hold out on the computer engineering. by the end of the day, i actually had a polished answer -- which represents the truth, but intelligently -- i won't give it in full here, but if anyone is curious, post a FAQ question on the right.
goldman sachs ran me through a screening interview; in the middle of it, my interviewer, named aoki, broke into japanese. luckily, he was pretty nice about it:
"how is your japanese? [日本語はどうですか」" he asked.
i smiled, hesitated a little bit to express reserve, and said:
"conversationally, i'm all right, but i don't think i'm good enough to do business in japanese. [普通の話だと、大丈夫だと思いますけど、ビジネスなら自信がないんです」"
or something like that. i don't exactly remember what i said in japanese. but enough to make him know that i wasn't lying when i said i had 3 years of experience. we, thankfully, went back to english. he was a nice guy. so nice, actually, that he scheduled me for a first interview. score.
it was with a man named sayto. he was, quite simply, the most soft-spoken man i've met in awhile. i was intimidated by his coolness. his job, throughout the entire interview, seemed to be the task of making me feel like i had no clue why i was there, and to point out to me how out of my league i was. yikes. i walked out of the private interview room thinking, "time to go meet up with nate."
about 10 paces from the reception desk of the interview area, i hear my name called once, then twice. i turn around, and sayto is giving me the japanese "come here" gesture. if you don't know, it is the same motion as in america, except that the hand is flat horizontal, not vertical. in america, it seems like a dimissive action. so i came over, and they asked if they could talk to me at four.
whoa.
i had a half-hour to kill, so i went up to the food court and met a colorado MBA student named makiko, she was eating umeboshii onigiri, and suddenly i remembered one of the less serious reasons why i was going to japan: fooooood. we spoke in english for the most part, because i didn't want to insult any of these kids. it's a bilingual job fair; they assume that everyone, at the very basic level, can communicate in both. since we're in america, using japanese is almost, i dunno. just somehow not right. somehow like i have something to prove -- which i do, but not to girls named makiko sitting in the food court of the conference area -- i have something to prove to myself. so don't waste their time, especially if their english is better.
went to the bathroom, made sure i looked damn sexy, and then went back downstairs to the interview area.
mike was my interviewer this time, and i immediately noticed that we were in the technical interview. he read my resume for about 2 minutes, turned it over, drew a figure on the back and said:
"how would i model this table in html?"
"well, do you want it in the old style [tables] or the new style [css]?"
[dammmnnn!!]
so, while explaining exactly what i was doing, i said:
then i proceeded to explain how CSS would achieve the same thing, and started comparing the two in terms of XML compatibility and usability benefits.
without going too overboard, i would say it was the best interview i've ever had. i was talking to "one of my people". you know. the nerds. so they're supposed to call me tomorrow. i'm not holding my breath; even if this is all i get, it was fun.
going back to the punk, the whole reason for this post. when i came here this weekend, i was looking to go to the job fair for kicks. i am still planning on applying to the JET program. but.
for a long time now, when people have asked me what i wanted to do with my degree, i've always said the same two things: "graduate, duh" or "nothing, i want to do nothing". neither are necessarily true, but it allows me to avoid the more serious answer: i don't know. i really don't. i've got a couple plans, but outside of that, i don't know.
slc punk, outside of just being funny, is all about figuring out what "it" is really about: stevo is a punk: his identity is one that exists solely in opposition to his lawyer father's lifestyle, and thus when he finally sits down and examines himself towards the end of the film, he realizes that he's been fighting a good fight, certainly: but definitely not one worth fighting.
kids such as myself are good at that. we do fight the good fight. just don't ask us why.
for awhile i've said that i wouldn't "sell out" and get some sort of salary job straight out of college and that i wouldn't miss out on the best part of life blah blah blah. life is hopefully long and in front of me; if i was planning on doing the JET program for a year, why is it so different to maybe work in a company for two? the reason that the JET program still sounds sexier is the commitment. it's short-term. one year. then it's done. if i like it, then i can renew. no commitment if i don't. free trial, satisfaction guaranteed.
the truth is, i am twenty-two years old. i am young, and i have a lot in front of me. but, i can't dawdle about forever with my head in the clouds: whatever i do, i have to start nailing down choices. i have to start putting together the coffin on my "freedom" one nail at a time -- no, i'll never be a rockstar, no, i'll never be a lot of things. acceptance.
let's go back to that cheezy pop song from like eight years ago:
whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself -- your choices are half chance. so are everybody else's.
so, i'm just kind of living; trying to not look at life like a destination-oriented thing. it's a journey that gives no vacation, not that you need or want one, and really the only thing we really have with us along the way is each other. and if i didn't believe that to be one of the few absolutes in life, i don't know what the point would be.
