sensitivity versus being gay
Already : Hatachi Archives
sensitivity versus being gay Thursday August 5
in general, i'm a rather sensitive individual. sometimes i come across cold; it's usually because i have a logical part to my brain, too. yesterday i learned that my friend's friend's baby died stillborn in the womb. and my friend, who obviously closer to the would-be mother than i, was crying. while i was sitting next to him.
and the baby's dead. nothing's going to bring the baby back. so. we could either dwell, or move on. if we dwell, we're going to bring ourselves down without changing the circumstances whatsoever. so my plan of action in these situations, or rather, what occurs to me most naturally, is to say the appropriate expression of condolence and hope that it was sufficient. rather, hope that the other person can't detect that i'm saying it because i know that's what people say. i know well that the words are meaningless in spite of the situation, and that we say them to assure the other person that we want to help them through their hardship.
this isn't where this post was intending to go. look at the title. i meant to talk about being sensitive, and instead, i talk about being cold. well, now that i have the stillborn bit out of the way, let me explain.
every gay man who ever meets me thinks i am gay.
or, as i was told last night, "i give off a gay vibe". "maybe it's because i'm sensitive and complex". but anyone who knows me well knows how straight i am. i'm not even curious. there's not much doubt being cast on my sexuality, at least by myself. certainly, i have certain qualities that our society has dubbed "effeminiate".
so let's review the scorecard for this summer:
gay guys who think/wish mark was gay: 3
straight girls who want a piece of the m-d pie: 0*
this is what i wanted, though? some time off, time to myself? yes?
* we are choosing not to include high-school aged minors who come into the store once a week or so and stare at my behind while i walk about. sylwia confirmed my suspicion last night, as they were shamelessly staring. even worse than a man staring at a pair of D-cup breasts. and then they left a dollar tip. i understand that no one's got money when they're young, but c'mon people, this is how the service industry works. the more you tip, the more we pay attention to you.
