the final decision

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the final decision Sunday March 9

i have decided to go to japan for an entire year for the purposes of studying abroad. after consulting my parents, my friends, and of course, making a necessary withdrawl from the bank of nate, i have come to the following conclusions on studying abroad for a full year:

• if i do not go, i will not have the opportunity to do so later on the same terms. if i return to japan again after graduation, i will face the costs of living on my own; i will have no student loans, scholarships, or parental support. therefore, it would be advantageous to master japanese by residing there while still maintaining student status.
• if i go for a semester on the senshuu university program, i will be repeating the kind of program i have done before, and while the actual language program may benefit my japanese immensely, i am not intending to studying abroad for language purposes only.
• todd will theoretically have an easier time finding a full-year roommate as opposed to a roommate that will occupy fall-only. the converse of this is that todd and i will not live together in a two-bedroom apartment; something we have decided would be a lot of fun and quite an extension of our allen 41 bachelor pad.
• if this experience does not open any doors for me, i do not see any other doors closing merely as an act of going. there are, of course, issues of place-time, i.e., if i were here, i would be in the right place for something, but the same could be said of anywhere.
• most of the people i know are on the five-year plan, so when i return to uiuc, i can reasonably assume that i will not be missing as many people. and if i am, then that is something i need to deal with; so far, i am an expert at detachment. i still can't determine whether or not that's a good thing. moreover, the people i really care about should be solid enough of friends that time/distance stand no issue. reference jon hutcheson.
• nathan will in law school next year, and therefore even if i did not go, i wouldn't see him. he alone would not be enough to hold me back, but it is a factor (combined with (3), the lease that nathan and i have already signed.)

this is all i can think of right now, but these are the major points that are in my mind in making this decision. years from now, if i ever were to ask, "what was i thinking?!", i will have the logical, appropriate answers. in life, often all i seek are explanations; understanding. i will have it, and that is pleasing to me.